So…I weighed in this morning and wow. I did not see what I was expecting at
all. Sure, my eating wasn’t stellar, but
I think I did better than I had done in the weeks previous. Also, I did exercise 4 times…and they were
quality workouts…all of them. However,
despite my hard work, I GAINED a pound. What
the hell? And don’t you even THINK about
saying something along the lines of “oh maybe since you were working out you
gained a pound of muscle.” No. Just no.
I need reality, not fantasy. Fantasy
with real life problems does no one any good.
It puts you in denial and, well folks, that’s how I got fat in the first
place…and I refuse to go back down the route to being fat again. I’ll do better this week because there won’t
be any mass amounts of Christmas food at work to tempt me. I’m just beyond frustrated right now.
Change of subject…….
Running really makes me emotional. I have such a connection to it. More than any connection to anything or
anyone I’ve ever had before in my life. Watching
videos that other runners have made in regards to their running, or reading
their blogs about their running, or following them on Instagram, it is just
amazing to me. I feel honored…like they
have purposely included me…ME…into their lives and to share their experiences
with me.
I got on Jost Running’s website (they do virtual races
year-round that you can register for and they give you printable and custom
race bibs AND medals!!! Go to www.jostrunning.com to check them out)
and started reading their blog today. On
this blog were a few videos that I took the time to watch. Usually, I don’t watch videos on blogs, but
something about these videos…I just felt compelled to watch them. The first was a video about a guy named Bernd
Heinrich. Amazing man. He wrote the book Why We Run…which I now plan
to read.
So, this may get a little graphic…feel free to skip this
paragraph. So, as almost everyone that
has been running regularly for any amount of time knows, running makes you
poop. Well, I did a lot of pooping
today. So, tomorrow, I’m going to weigh
myself again to see if maybe I was just holding onto some extra “baggage” when I
weighed in this morning.
Okay, so, a friend recently said that they thought I was feeling
down about my weight and how I look. Let
me clarify something. I do NOT, under
any circumstances, EVER feel down about my weight or how I look. Why? Well,
because it does no good. What I DO feel
is frustration. Frustration can be
productive. It can spur you to make the
necessary changes in your routines and habits to lead you toward the progress
and ultimate success that you have your eye on.
“Feeling down” about something means that you see no hope for your
situation. I am far too happy of a
person (partially due to medication, but also due to the fact that I am a very
lucky and blessed person in life in general) to “feel down” about something as
transient as a brief setback in my weight loss journey. Sure, regaining 13 pounds in 4 months of the
33 pounds it took me an entire year to lose is very frustrating and a weaker
person WOULD “feel down” about this. But
it’s only a setback, it has let me know what my limitations are. Setbacks are temporary. I have them.
Such is the nature of the beast known as clinical major depressive
disorder that lives within.