Why Give Up Now?

I’ve come a long way…so why would I want to give it all up now? 

What am I talking about?  I’m talking about the last 7 months.  At the beginning of August, I weighed 172 and felt and looked great.  I loved my body.  Then, something terrible happened and I spiraled out of control.  I had no coping skills to deal with what happened, so I did what I knew: I ran…and ran and ran and ran.  I ran myself into the ground, in fact.  I ran almost 150 miles in the month following the incident (September), lasted another week into October and then I crashed and burned big time.  Over the next 4 months, I gained about 14 pounds.  Then, in January, I started a new diet (that I still stand beside, by the way, just slightly modified, at least for me) and lost just over 10 pounds in a month.  Then, I had an issue that stemmed from the diet (hence the reason I need it to be slightly modified), got frustrated over it and then gained back those 10 pounds plus a few more.  Ugh.

Over the last couple months, I’ve gained a few more pounds.  Today, while I was driving to the start of the Capital 10K, I had a revelation.  Such a simple thing, really.  If I don’t like how I look and feel (which, right now, I don’t), then I need to do something about it.  Plain and simple.  If I don’t like it, then I need to change it.  And I need to do more than just being diligent with my running.  I need to eat right, mostly.  I need to give that diet a second chance, just slightly modified.  It worked great for me the first time, it can work great for me again.  I just need to follow through.  I need to have a plan.  And, also, I need to make an actual effort to get to the gym for some strength training and, maybe, some swimming.  Also, I need to utilize my bicycle too. 

Part of the reason I didn’t switch my gym membership to one at a cheaper facility was because my gym has a pool.  I have used it all of once, but it’s there, waiting for me to swim laps in it.  I keep making excuses for why I haven’t gotten back in.  The main one is that I only did 2 full down and back laps (approximately 200 meters) and I felt like I was going to die was completely out of breath.  That’s no excuse to stay out of the pool!  That is, however, the perfect reason to get in the pool more often.  So, what I could do is…on Saturdays, since I’m off on Saturdays now, is go to the gym, do a strength training workout, then hit the pool and do what I can, even if it’s ONLY 2 laps.  Then, Sunday, long run day!  Or, I can do it the other way around…long run Saturday, strength training & pool Sunday. 

I’ve been waiting around for my motivation to come back.  I’m beginning to think that it’s not going to come back…not on its own.  I think I need to force it back.  How?  By just making myself do what needs to be done.  I’ve got some extra days off this week and next week and I’m going to use those days for crafting, yes, but I’m also going to use them to make sure I make it to the gym/pool.  When I get paid next week, I’ll buy a new bicycle pump so I can air up my tires on my bicycle and then I can ride that too!  And I can ride that while I watch TV thanks to my indoor trainer that I got for super cheap from a friend last year.

The only way I’m going to succeed is if I make it happen.  Only I can change me and I fully intend to do that.  I want to change for good.  I want to create change that is sustainable and maintainable.  And I will.  Each time I make the effort I get a little closer to reaching my ultimate goal.  I backslide between each time, but I make more progress with each subsequent effort.  I really need to make this my last effort and then just maintain from there.