Anxious

I’ve had insomnia the past 2 nights.  A few days ago I did not have this problem.  In fact, for months now my insomnia has not bothered me one bit.  And now, all of a sudden, it’s back.  Why?  Well, I asked myself the same question and came up with only one answer.  I’m anxious.  Anxious about what, you ask?  My impending transfer to another department within my agency.  It’s a department that I have worked in before and I absolutely loved it.  I worked in it for 4 years previously and have spent the last 3 years hoping to return.  And now, finally, I am getting my wish.  But why am I so anxious about this, you may be wondering.  Well, it’s because it’s a change in my life and I don’t like change.  I like things to stay the same.  Well, I like the big stuff to stay the same.  I like variety in the little things.  Even though I am perfectly okay with eating the same food day after day or doing the same exercises every day, I try to mix it up a little.  So, I don’t like change, even though this is a change for the better as far as I’m concerned. 

Also, there is the complete flip-flop of my schedule.  I will be going from the 6am-6pm shift to a 10pm-6am shift.  I will have to relearn to sleep during the day, which will hopefully only take about week to adjust to.  I will need to get some of those “blackout” curtains for my bedroom.  I had found some nice ones at Target a little while back.  I will also be investing in NyQuil to help me sleep for that first week.  When I was going through the end of my relationship with my ex and my anxiety level was extremely high and I couldn’t sleep, that was the only thing that could get me to sleep, otherwise I would have been awake for days at a time.

I’m anxious that I won’t acclimate back to working nights and sleeping during the day.  I’m anxious about having to relearn everything I was once so proficient at.  I’m anxious about having to relearn all the Spanish I used to know and use daily when I was in this department before.  And I’m anxious because it’s a much more “hands on” assignment than the one I’ve been in for the past 3 years.  You see, I’m going back to the Central Booking Facility of the jail I work in.  There, we deal with freshly arrested people that are still high on drugs or alcohol, or both, people that are suicidal or assaultive or uncooperative.  We have to do unclothed searches of anyone charged with a drug charge or a felony weapons charge.  We have to fingerprint and photograph each person.  It’s a fun place to work, very fast paced.  You’re rarely bored.  I’m just anxious that I won’t do well this time and that I won’t catch back on to the things I used to know so well…things that were second nature to me at one point.