Vulnerable

Okay, so yesterday was a scheduled rest day.  I fell asleep on the couch watching one of my favorite shows (Ancient Aliens…hooray new season started this past Monday!) at about 8:30pm.  I slept HARD for about 2.5-3 hours and woke up around 12:25am.  I turned off the tv and moved to the bed.  I then proceeded to sleep like complete crap.  I woke up frequently and was just plain tired when the alarm went off at 6.  I begrudgingly got up and started my day.  Coffee in the Keurig, hot water in the oatmeal, Facebook newsfeed on the computer.

Got to the shooting range on time and started a long day of training with my gun.  I discovered a couple things I’m doing wrong.  Very wrong.  As in, at the 15 and the 25 yd lines, I’m missing at least half of my shots.  Not good.  My support hand isn’t gripping the gun tightly enough, which allows the gun to pull to the left.  So, I concentrate on gripping with my left (aka-support) hand and then my trigger control goes to hell…which also makes the gun pull to the left.  Ugh.  I can’t win!  I just have to concentrate on correcting these two things tomorrow.  When we ended yesterday, I was doing really good with the close-quarters shooting (3, 5 and 7 yd lines) and was okay at the 10 yd line.  Weirdly enough, today, I shot better from the 25 yd line than I did from the 15. 

Anyway, for lunch, we went to Souper Salad.  I had a good sized salad with romaine lettuce, black olives, kidney beans, mushrooms and…well…blue cheese dressing.  I wanted light ranch, but they didn’t have it, so I had regular ranch and blue cheese to choose from…so I chose the one I like better.  Then, I had some fettuccine pasta, some cornbread, and couple tacos.  Oh, and there may have been strawberry shortcake.  For dinner, I had planned to just eat my 0% plain Greek yogurt with fruit and my bell peppers for dinner, however, my feelings of vulnerability won and I ended up at Long John Silver’s for a 2 fish/6 shrimp platter.  It came with 2 hushpuppies and 2 sides.  I got coleslaw and onion rings.  I left the onion rings for last and, well, actually didn’t eat them.  I was full.  So, obviously my food choices weren’t even remotely good today (after breakfast that is).  Tomorrow I’ll be eating lunch out again.   Not sure where we’ll end up.

Okay, I mentioned that yesterday was a scheduled rest day and then went off on something else.  Where I was going with that was that today I had scheduled a 2 mile BTG run with a 3x12 gym session.  However, I was so tired and exhausted today that I just didn’t feel into working out and would rather relax and go to bed early (with the assistance of some NyQuil…to make sure I don’t wake up every 20 minutes).  So, tomorrow, I’ll do the 2 miles + the gym.  And then, the 4.5 I was supposed to tomorrow I will do Saturday morning before my friend Dawn’s birthday party.  Plus, Saturday is supposed to be in the mid-80’s for a high, so a morning run will be nice, probably in the low to maybe the mid-70’s.  Perfect for running.

Okay, something else I kind of glossed over.  I said that my vulnerable feelings won tonight with my food choice of fast food seafood.  I have not been able to stop thinking about my body fat % from the consultation the other night.  36.2%.  That’s quite the number.  It’s quite a lot higher than I thought it was.  About 14% more than I thought it was, to be exact.  That makes me feel defeated and overwhelmed…but mostly overwhelmed.  It makes me think about how high my body fat had to be when I first started losing weight over 2.5 years ago…and almost 80 pounds ago, I might add.  It had to be around 50%.  Now I wish I had had someone take my body fat % with a caliper when I started losing weight.  I really wish I knew what that number was.  But, anyway, knowing that my body fat is 14% higher than I’ve been thinking it was feels to me like a setback.  Like I’ve gone backwards when I haven’t done any such thing.  I guess I just need to come to terms with this number…this 36.2%.  I mean, when I look at my body, that number just makes more sense than the 22% that my scale lied and told me I was.  It explains the extra jiggle I still have around my middle.  It explains the lumps I still have on the sides of my hips.  So, I have a goal.  A new goal.  I would like to lose 8% body fat and get down to 28%.  I’m not sure of a time goal.  But, I think this is a better goal than shooting for a specific number on the scale as far as my weight goes.  I just did the math on my phone’s calculator and 8% of my body weight comes out to about 14 pounds…which just so happens to bring me to about my weight goal of 160.  Sweet!

Since I didn’t go to the gym tonight, I didn’t pick up the plan that the trainer (Paige) should have left for me at the front desk.  I’ll pick it up tomorrow instead.  I know I’ll implement some of the things that she wants me to do, but not all…mainly, I won’t be cutting my mileage.  Not this month, anyway.  Maybe next month.  I’ll have time to think about it before doing it if I wait until next month, which will make me feel better about it.